A Day with Dr. Death - Feb. 8, 2010

Original post on www.MJ-Upbeat.com on February 13, 2010

              Betty Shares With Us Her Moments At Murray's Arraignment February 8, 2010

A Day with Dr. Death

by Betty

A call to action for all MJ fans had gone out via the internet to protest against Conrad Murray’s Non Arrest. Fans were now making plans to rally and stand together in protest against the “Non Arrest” on arraignment day at the Los Angeles Airport Court House. I had been one of the thousands of people calling in and emailing to demand Conrad Murray’s arrest “in handcuffs” for the murder of Michael Jackson, seven long months after his death.

I had no idea that my decision to hold a sign and stand for Michael Jackson would turn out to be a spiritual experience for me. I began to doubt I should be there at all, so I prayed asking for direction. I was also hesitant to make the drive there alone. Fear and anxiety had loomed over me... but I wasn’t sure if it was the sickening feeling of confronting Dr. Death or the not knowing where or what I was walking into. Although the drive was more than an hour it seemed to pass in just moments as I sang along with MJ the whole way... but as I reached the end of the journey fear gripped me again. I was praying and asking the Lord to help me as I pulled off the freeway and on to city streets. Feeling not so sure that I would actually take part I sent up one last request for an answer, some sort of assurance that I was truly suppose to be there and… then so crystal clear over the loudly playing MJ music that is the backdrop of my life…I heard MJ's voice from This Is It. "It's an adventure. We're going to go places we've never been before, do things we've never done before." All trepidation lifted from me, joy literally filled my heart and determination took root. Instead I now NEEDED to stand strong as an MJ Soldier of LOVE. Because of this experience and a few others I feel MJ is so truly in heaven with the LORD!  The Lord confirmed it for me again that day as I heard MJ’s words ring in my mind. I now know beyond any shadow of doubt that MJ is with his heavenly Father.

I arrived to find news crews and media from all over the world everywhere. A plethora of cables, trucks, satellite feeds, antenna towers and people just everywhere. Picking up my step I forged on up the drive and as I approached the curve to the front entrance suddenly a police officer barked “Mammm!” I looked around for the Mammm and realized he was referring to me. Ha-ha!. The sheriff impatiently repeated “Mammm” adding “PLEASE move to the side!”  I did a quick side step and turned my head to see and feel the heat from the front Jackson caravan SUV glide by me. SUV after SUV motored up the driveway to the court house. I tried to quickly raise my sign to show them my support. Heaviness began to fill my heart. I was to find out later that the 1st SUV was indeed Michael’s dark blue Escalade.

 

                 

Quickly I sought out familiar faces and found my wonderful, loving friends from MJFSC (Michael Jackson Fans of Southern California) were there at the front line. Every where I looked fans from other websites and Face Book pages were there in support of Michael. Some famous faces and every day people like me. Many new found friends with one common thread of love that ties us inexplicable together. My friend Robyn says “Each fan is a thread of a large tapestry woven together in a shroud of love to protect Michael forever”.  Before me were people of all races, nations and creeds, there to stand as Soldiers of LOVE for Michael Jackson, standing now for JUSTICE FOR MICHAEL JACKSON.

 

                                                                                      

As I approached the front of the line, with sign in hand, where MJFSC friends stood, a sheriff deputy instructed me to stay back on the other side of the court yard. Signs were not allowed within 150 feet of the walk way.  I stepped back a few feet and lowered the sign. I was given a red armband to wear by Heidi and we helped each other attached our arm bands. Moments later the Jackson family emerged from their cars. The entire court yard seemed to take a simultaneous breath in. It may have been me but it was suddenly VERY quiet in spite of the clicking, flashing and camera jockeying everything suddenly seemed to all move in slow motion. The air was thicker and the grief was palpable.

First Jermaine and his wife stepped out and began to move up the walk toward the building, and then Joe Jackson who stood and waited for his wife and family, Tito also waited at car side and extended a helping hand to his mother, Katherine. Then Jackie, Rebbie and Latoya emerged along with some of Michael’s nephews, family members and friends.  Katherine stood waiting for a moment or two for her family to gather around her and then began the slow, painful walk to the courthouse to confront her son’s murderer. I had the feeling Michael was at her side.

Oh how he loved his mother. Perfection is how he described her.
There were some fans who cried out “We LOVE you Katherine”,
“We LOVE you Jacksons”, “JUSTICE for MICHAEL”.

 

About fifteen minutes later Randy Jackson arrived. At first everyone thought it was Conrad Murray and the energy level immediately shot up several hundred notches, then realizing it was Randy immediately another collective breath out. Randy stepped from his car looking fresh and sharp but clearly weary from grief. He too received the same encouraging cheers of “We Love You Randy”, “JUSTICE for MICHAEL”. Then while sitting in the courtroom on Twitter Randy told the fans:  Sitting in court & I'm sad. Those profiting most from my bro’s death: AEG, Randy Phillips, Kenny Ortega, Estate Executors r nowhere in sight.

 

We all took to our posts to wait for Dr. Death to arrive and then 1 hour later a white SUV pulled up. Was it just a coincidence a white SUV taxied him to the courthouse? I remembered a white SUV many years earlier in a slow chase by the L.A.P.D. down the 405 freeway as O.J. ran for his freedom. Others made the same comment. If CM’s lawyers had planned to bring him in on a white horse the plan had failed in our eyes. It was a detail not missed by most. The energy level shot up. I felt sick. My skin was crawling. I have never ever felt anything like it in my life. There was a force taking over. I had chills; the hair on my arms was standing on end. My feet left the ground as I sprang forward toward him hoisting my sign.

  

The justice on this day was quite different from the harsh treatment Michael received in his lifetime. Michael was handcuffed, humiliated and drug off to jail and he was completely innocent. This man admitted to giving the fatal medication which killed Michael Jackson and Homicide charges are already filed. I am hoping that at the very, very least the sheriffs will have him in handcuffs. He however stays true to his deceitful self and emerges from the car with his hands behind him and I am asking everyone around “Is he in handcuffs?” Everyone is looking and acknowledging “Yes he is in handcuffs!” Then he reveals as he walks and swings his arms freely to the front and adjusts his suit jacket that he is not hand cuffed at all.

We the fans had promised the Jackson’s we would be dignified and handle ourselves respectfully and I for one tried very hard to follow through with that request and stay civil and calm but when Dr. Death walked down the path I simply HAD to scream MURDERER! MURDERER!! JUSTICE FOR MICHAEL!! Most all of us did! Some just yelled WE LOVE YOU MICHAEL! I guess that would have been the more loving and dignified thing
but I just couldn't muster it.

Everyone could see him clearly. He is very tall. People began to talk about him openly. I was disgusted he was not handcuffed. Somehow for me if he would have been hand cuffed it would have been a sign that justice would be served. Seeing him walking freely spoke volumes to me and it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. The gravity of the injustice extolled to Michael Jackson in his life and I began to cry openly. I had my sign and hid behind it and sobbed for Michael. That is when a journalist from Japan approached and behind my sign asked if he could interview me. He was a kind, soft spoken man and told me in Japan, Michael has many, many fans, which I already knew but hearing him share it was comforting. He seemed to love Michael too. So I spoke to him about my feelings and why I needed to be there as I cried for Michael.

  

 

The media was interviewing all the fans. It was so crazy. Media frenzy at every turn. I called in sick so couldn't let my face be seen on TV but apparently when you want to hide from the pap they only get intrigued. I realize now that I may have ‘possibly’ looked like Debbie Rowe hiding with my blonde hair behind my sign. I think every one of us was interviewed by news centers and stations all over the world. TMZ and CNN ran live feed. I hid behind my poster most of the day until my son called my cell and said "Uhh mom, I know you don't want to be seen but you are on live feed on CNN right now and they are filming your face" So I gave up hiding and helped to hold up the JUSTICE banner too. I was very low key but was personally interviewed by Los Angeles, Japan, South American and Australian news crews; those I remember but there were more. I was dizzy there were so many. I declined many requests. Most especially ALL of the Channel 7 interviews letting them know it was because they hired Martin Bashir to cover this trial. Martin Bashir a despicable man who I also hold accountable for Michael’s death, as well as Tom Sneddon. They might as well have been in the room with Murray that night. It felt good to voice that I have boycotted channel 7 because of Bashir’s dirty, twisted documentary and untrue, salacious treatment of Michael Jackson. I am sure the reporters really could care less about not getting an interview with a nobody like me but it felt darn good to stick up for MJ and voice my opinion to someone from the ABC.

 

We waited for any news from inside the court room, as crew after crew photographed posters and banners and interviewed fans non stop for what seemed like hours. I lost all track of time. It was a complete whirlwind.  I began to get a tiny glimpse at Michael Jackson’s life. The non stop paparazzi frenzy that followed him everywhere was really too much to bear. The delicate way you have to word everything so it isn’t misconstrued or twisted. So much disregard for personal space, wishes and privacy. My heart ached for him, his family, his mother and his children.

Slowly messages were passed from friends who won lottery tickets to sit in the courtroom. The DA was asking for $300,000 bail. Not enough as far as the fans were concerned. Then shockingly it was lowered to $75,000. That was worse but better than the unfathomable $25,000. First no handcuffs and then a drop in the bucket bail amount, we all wanted him in jail NOW.  Then the biggest insult, the end to this day of so called justice is just so sad.

My stomach aches. My heart breaks. My tears flow.

The arraignment is over. The judge sent the case "for safety reasons" to L.A. court after a minor scolding. CM’s punishment for murdering the biggest, most beloved entertainer in the world is:

1. He is no longer allowed to administer propofol.

What? Wouldn’t an anesthesiologist and not a cardiologist administer propofol anyway?

2. Oh yes and the very harsh disciplinary action by the judge also prohibits him from practicing medicine in California.  Oh yeah that’s right…hmmm… his practices are in Texas and Nevada.
3. He was ordered to surrender his passport.

4. The next court appearance is set for April, if continuances are not granted.

Like a hot potato the judge said good riddance to the case and sent it downtown. Slapped CM on the wrist & basically sent him out the door. He arrived with bail bondsman in tow... paid the bail and left, somehow smuggled out. A travesty!

MJ’s song “They Really Don’t Care About Us” springs to mind.  

Let's all pray the next judge is an MJ lover

or at least a lover of common decency and

true justice.

In the end Michael’s family went out the back

door and the paparazzi ran to the back to

mob them and Katherine was practically

crushed. I felt so badly for her having to go through

such a terribly long and unbelievable difficult day.

Myself along with many other fans were rooted

where we stood waiting for the press

conference to begin. Several fans who only met

one another that day stood together to hold up
banners and signs for “Justice for Michael”. 
We placed ourselves directly behind the
Conrad Murray’s defense team on a wall where we
were visible during the conference.

They said something about “If the prosecution had

any real proof of Conrad Murray’s guilt they would

not have taken so long to bring charges. Our signs
and chants calling for justice countered their
typical hype and posturing.

 

 

Michael’s little brother, Randy Jackson, came out the front door, the same door he had gone in upon arrival and escaped most of the paparazzi. There was a sad and respectful silence in the courtyard as he walked through. Then shouts of “I Love You Randy”, “Thank You Randy”, “We Love You Randy” rang out. He very humbly waved to the fans and unceremoniously climbed in the front seat of the limo with his driver and they left. We waited and checked several doors but Conrad Murray was smuggled out.

 

Every time I picture those police officers huddled around Conrad Murray protecting him from the "fans" I just feel sick. How deeply I wish the fans could have protected Michael Jackson from Conrad Murray and so many others. I picture the raid on Neverland and the bruises on Michael’s arms. I am certain of one thing… NO ONE in this life gets away with murder…even if you manage to walk free on this earth.

You will answer to the ultimate judge! Your evilness does not escape God’s eye.

I am feeling as if I will never stop, the world will never stop grieving the loss of Michael Jackson. Evil tried to stop Michael Jackson but has not succeeded. Will not ever succeed! Every fiber of Michael’s being was all about LOVE and even in death he is STILL spreading his L.O.V.E.

The tapestry of MJ’s LOVE grows more everyday as fans continue to connect
with one another all around the world,
brought together by love of Michael Jackson, and in so doing
one of his greatest desires to unite the world in LOVE is being achieved.

What a legacy!!! What an incredible man!!!

  

Photo credit CowboyMJ Jackson MJFSC, Karlene Taylor MJFSC, Toby Canham/Getty Images, Fredrick M. Brown/ Getty Images,

☀ (`’·. History... The Sands of Time .·’´) ☀

      "I'll forever be counting backwards from June 25th, 2009" ~ Betty Byrnes

How many times in your life can you say the world stopped? As humans we tend to mark time with these moments... and most are made of joy or grief.  I for one, like many others I'm sure, track time with meaningful events in my life. The joyful moments of the birth of my children or grandchildren... are the very Best of Joy. ☀

There are those moments in time too where an event takes place and the entire world stops as they process... moments that will forever mark History. The assassination of President Kennedy, then Martin Luther King... and then Bobby Kennedy... the death of Lady Diana... tragic, monumental moments creating right and left turns in history... changing the world forever. These people whose passing changed our lives so greatly the vast majority of society did not personally know them; yet the bond we felt was a tangible thing. We admired and followed them and looked to them to guide us and point the way toward a better version of ourselves and of this world.

Tracking time in a lifespan capsule... truly important events over time seem to never be forgotten, yet the actual date will fade from memory. I tend to remember only the emotion, smells, sights, feelings from that moment in history. However when Michael Jackson died... that date... that moment when the news spread like wild fire around the world... it seemed as though the axis of this planet earth, shifted... every nation stopped in disbelief... trying to process the news. It was surreal. Yes the axis of earth seemed to shift and definitely the axis of my life shifted... paradigms shifted as life forever changed for me.

Michael Jackson, an old soul, had the ability at a very early age, over his entire career, and still today even after his passing via his music and artistry to reach into the psyche, soul and heart of a person... to places where most musicians and artists, if they are very good, only scratch the surface. He could reach into the collective heart of an arena filled with 100,000+ people and move them like no other, hold them captive with his magical touch. In history to this day his performance ability is unparalleled. His love for this planet and all the people on it regardless of race, creed or nationality was all encompassing. In the highest sense of the word he was a true humanitarian from a very early age, an instrument of peace in a dark and dreary world. His music infused with God given energy still today inspires, brings change and love into this world. He shared his lifetime moments via his music, expressing angst, love, frustration or awe, wonder and joy. He made it possible for us all to vent our pain or share our love as we experienced MJ's music... it is like we knew him... truly knew him. His art, his music and his love for this world is timeless.

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." - Maya Angelou

An inexplicable need to write came over me only weeks after Micheal's death. He had touched my heart and life on so many levels. I felt guilt and remorse over how he had been treated and maligned in this world. I was truly blessed with time for my parents before they passed to their heavenly home. I gratefully spent many days and months with them sharing about our lives together... laughing, crying, talking things through, sometimes arguing as families do, sometimes just sitting in silence with nothing needing to be said. I was able to say my long goodbyes to both my mother and my father... express love to them, hug them, kiss them and hold no regrets.  When Michael Jackson passed I was shocked to feel although I didn't know him his death affected me as if he were a family member... only sadly there were so many regrets. What had I missed? Why had I not prayed more for him? Who else in my life had I ignored when they needed me most? In reality I knew as a regular average human on this planet I'd never have been able to known the super star MJ on a personal level... yet at the very least I could have prayed more, listened more, kept an ear tuned to the needs of others. I felt I had failed him... the world had failed him.

Yes my life stopped along with the world's on June 25th, 2009... yet unlike any other time in history the world joined together and collectively poured out their hearts and grief over the loss of this mega-star, albeit a human being with a heart of gold. This artist who literally believed that 'his' children were ALL the children of the world and literally took that burden on in his life... to Heal The World. The study of Michael Jackson's altruistic givings is a massive undertaking and extends itself to every continent and nation on this planet. He was a special human being led by his love of God and the human race. And God had imparted to Michael an enormous amount of talent and artistry... more than any other human could endure or encompass... for it was God's portion just for Michael Jackson. By his own admission his musicality, artistry and creativity NEVER stopped. It was both a blessing and curse when it came to sleep which led to chronic insomnia. 
 
Not long after his death it seemed this gigantic slice of creativity which Michael embodied was bequeathed over the masses he left behind. It seemed as though like a sparkly, sprinkling of artistic fairy dust entered our lives... so many found a new desire to sing, write, dance, draw, paint.... create. We were drawn together on social media forums sharing this new found desire to express ourselves. For me the deep desire to write encompassed my every waking moment. I found myself grabbing little papers and napkins which led to notebooks and scribbling down words, phrases and sentences that suddenly were in my head... I had to get them out... write them down and express myself. It felt as if I didn't voice what was filling my mind and heart I'd burst. I'd never experienced anything like it in my life. Like an assignment from God it had to be expressed... once a story or writing began I'd not stop... could not sleep until I felt it was finished which led to days and nights with no sleep. Was this a thimble full of what Michael Jackson must have felt in his life?

All I knew is I had to write. The words the stories were flowing in my veins. The end result was this blog, 'Michael's Heart'. Through this blog and Social Media I've connected and bonded with people, soul mates, from around the globe. My tiny life which previously for many decades consisted of church, children, work and home became this vast canvas of languages, cultures and friends from around the world. We were one! Fulfilling a life long dream of Michael's to bring the world together in LOVE. No matter our nationality... we were the same... our love for Michael and his music and all he gave this world was the glue that pieced together our broken hearts.  Is this a thimble full of what Michael felt?

The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough.
- Rabindranath Tagore

In the process of writing my blog after Michael's death a sweet memory from my childhood came back to me... would not leave me. Like a distant knocking on a long closed door... it became louder and louder with each passing day. Once I acknowledged the memory and allowed it a stage on my heart the flood gates opened. I soon found that Michael's sprinkling of creativity had opened the door to my childhood. His gift to me opened a place I felt was inconsequential in the larger scheme of things. Life had dished large portions of difficult circumstances which I'd learned to navigate and survive. For me looking back at the decades past had been a waste of time... for after all you can not go back... so why waste your time? Like a warrior I kept my eyes and mind focused forward always vigilant for the next onslaught to come my way. Being a realist of sorts I grew to believe you must deal with what was in front of you... survival is putting one foot in front of the other and praying to get to the other side of pain... and there had been voluminous amounts of pain in my life. So why look back?

The surprise here for me since Michael's sprinkling over my life was I simply had no choice. Just as he had no choice over expressing the massive amount of talent God had served him. He was who he was. He needed to create art of all sorts and styles to be all God created him to be. I too had to write these memories down... for what reason I may never know... but I had no choice. However, I do know the blessed inspiration was from God and Michael Jackson. The result was a book filled with memories of a childhood I'd long forgotten. In the beginning I felt I needed to share it for my children and grandchildren. It became my mission in my own way of completing of my father's memoirs of his time as the first Manager of NASA in Houston, Texas, to relay the family legacy of strength and brilliance my father left us. However as I delved into the memories over taking me... I realized maybe it was just for me and for Michael? Or maybe for all of us? Finally I just stopped questioning. I've learned there needs to be no real reason to convey the creativity bursting forth, needing to be expressed... Just Do It! God knows the reasons... the results are in His hands!

This expression has been the most cathartic and healing excursion through my early childhood. Did I expose myself? Yes. Did I have trepidation over that exposure of such personal memories? Yes. Yet ... for me, for my dad... for my future... here it is serving as a crystal clear light into my future. For today I do not exist to survive, waiting for each new calamitous happening to arrive. Today because I was given this panoramic view into my past... I live... in the now... with joy in my heart.

If you decide to read Moon Child: Growing Up NASA and I hope you do as I absolutely LOVE to share it... I do really hope you enjoy it. You will hopefully feel transported with me to another place in history... the 1960s and '70s. An exciting yet simpler place where the Space Race was at the forefront of our lives and family togetherness took prevalence over all. Before computers and cell phones, when children played out side and were called to dinner, where entire families sat at the dinner table every night for a fully rounded, home cooked meal. Where the primary form of communication was the art of letter writing and the rare long distance phone call was made only for family emergencies through a long distance operator. People were closer... communities smaller and people on the street talked to one another. Children could play freely in the city and take bus rides alone into town. Black and White tube TV had just taken it's place in every middle class home in America... and a new age had begun.

☀ Come and take the journey with me in Moon Child: Growing Up NASA. ☀

You can find more information and order a signed copy of the book website:
http://www.moonchildgrowingupnasa.com/

or you can purchase it at Amazon.com
http://amzn.to/1LjdiOr

Check out the videos I made for the book... this was fun!
Working on the 60's video now. Will post it soon.