Sunday, April 17, 2011

Carolwood Drive - No Excuse Good Enough

I feel compelled to share a story I wrote for MJ-Upbeat on May 19, 2009
This was an honest heartfelt time, a night I will never forget,
visiting a place I never wanted to visit.

As the trial nears I've been thinking often of this night... 
and just as I deeply and strongly felt that night...
STILL there is No Excuse Good Enough.
Nothing the defense comes up with, nothing Conrad Murray says...
NOTHING... absolutely NOTHING will ever be good enough to justify 
what was done to Michael Jackson on June 25th, 2009. 
Beyond that at the root of it there will never be an excuse good enough
for the torment inflicted upon Michael over his lifetime.
Michael Jackson should still be here on this earth, should still be alive.
God will have the final say... no matter what the out come in court.
ALL of those responsible for the death of Michael Jackson 
will be judged by God who sees all, knows all and 
has not missed a single detail of all that was done to Michael Jackson.
ALL those responsible for Michael Jackson's death will have to answer to God
for what they have done. I just pray it is in my life time. 

Carolwood Drive
May 19, 2009
By Betty Byrnes

I vowed not to visit there, just could not bear going there.
Finally I had decided I could visit on June 25th 
but only at the hour Michael actually died. 
Not when Conrad Murray said he died or when the 
hospital announced his time of death. 
Those were lies and I felt I needed to mark the anniversary 
of Michael Jackson’s death with truth… the true time he died, 
by going to the place of Michael’s death.

We had all spent the day at the MJ Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame
promoting JUSTICE for MJ. 
It was an amazing day and we were going to go out for BBQ;
however a couple of the fans wanted to visit the mansion at
Carolwood Drive in Beverly Hills first.
This was Michael’s last place of residence where his life was taken far too soon.
I decided to pass and told them,
“No! No! I simply can’t.  I can’t bring myself to go there yet.” 
It was explained to me that it would be better to go as a group, 
because you need that love around you when you visit for the first time
which made perfect sense so with some hesitation I acquiesced. 
It wasn’t long before the group of thirteen fans caravaned 
from Hollywood Blvd. to Carolwood.

There is a car parked in the under ground garage yet the house is vacant now.
I wonder if it is Conrad Murray’s but then remember
seeing his car towed away from the house
 and thought at the time a year ago, “Good! Get that man and
everything he owns far, far away from there.”

I am shown the candle wax all along the curb and in the street from the
fan memorials that were placed there when MJ died and again on his birthday,
all items long since taken away but the tell tale signs of the fan’s adoration remains. 

There is a chill in the air. It is almost midnight.
Michael’s beautiful voice is heard softly serenading us from a car parked near by. 
He is singing “Invincible” and I think to myself,
“Oh God, how I wish he truly would have been Invincible.”
We walk down to look at his bedroom balcony and I picture him standing
there holding on to the railing just like in the
Black & White video as he stood on the torch of the Statue of Liberty.
I sense in my heart Michael calling for JUSTICE.

We all are quiet…Speechless.

Your love is magical that’s how I feel… but I have not the words here to explain.
Gone is the grace for expression of passion… 
but there are worlds and worlds of ways to explain to tell you how I feel… 
but I am speechless, speechless…
that’s how you make me feel. 

My tears begin to flow.  I am sobbing.  
It is unexplainable how this man whom I have never met has
pierced my heart so deeply.  I know I am not alone.  
I hear others muffled sobs.

We walk to the gate and I am looking at the entrance to 
MJ’s Carolwood that I have seen so many times on TV.  
I look down at the cobble stones that are so familiar yet 
I have never been there before.  As I look up at the massive gates,
suddenly a vast emptiness fills my heart.  
There is no reason why Michael Jackson should be gone from this world. 
He should still be here in this place where his children played 
and they ate dinner together and laughed and were a family, 
 where he sang and danced and they all ran in the yard 
and played with the family dog together.  
There is simply no explanation good enough. 
The weight of that emptiness makes it hard to stand.  
My knees are weak and I am shaking. 
I feel someone put their arm around my shoulder and I sob.  
We are ONE.  No words need be spoken here. 

One by one we silently placed our flowers on the gate.
I say a silent prayer for Truth and Justice for Michael Jackson
and his children and wonder are there enough prayers.
Please God hear our prayers. 

I am not sure how long we stood there looking at the gate 
where our flowers were carefully placed, 
but just like all days since Michael’s death… time stood still. 
It seemed like forever and yet passed so quickly. We moved in unison. 
Very few words being spoken. All of one mind, one heart, 
grieving for our lost Angel of LOVE. 
The man who touched the world with his voice, his dance, 
his LOVE from generation to generation, 
who never wanted anything but to bring 
LOVE and healing to mankind, children and this planet. 
A man who was chosen by God and was touched with 
grace, dignity, genius, beauty, music and creativity like no other before him. 
A man touched deeply with the gift and ability 
to share the deep life changing LOVE of God.

… But I am speechless, speechless that’s how you make me feel.
 Though I’m with you, I am far away and nothing is for real.
When I’m with you I am lost for words, I don’t know what to say.
My heads spinning like a carousel, so silently I pray. Helpless and hopeless,
that’s how I feel inside. Nothings real but all is possible if God is on my side…
When I’m with you I am in the light where I can not be found.
It’s as though I am standing in the place called Hallowed Ground…

Then as if in one accord we moved toward the gates,
sit down and lean our backs against them. Symbolic I suppose of
wanting to keep the evil away from our Angel, away from that house. 

Sadly it was the evil within we could not protect him from and that
ultimately took Michael Jackson from his family and the world.
There we sat in suspended time listening to Michael’s beautiful and
familiar voice sing to us from a nearby car…
”Whatever happens, don’t let go of my hand.”
His unmistakable, irreplaceable voice echoing in the night air.
It was a night I will never forget and I am so blessed and grateful
that I was able to share this visit and my feelings in one accord
with these beautiful and caring friends.

… Speechless, speechless…that’s how you make me feel.
Though I’m with you I am far away and nothing is for real.
I’d go anywhere and do anything just to touch your face.
There’s no mountain high I can not climb. 
I’m humbled in your grace…

…Speechless, speechless…that’s how you make me feel.
Though I’m with you, I am lost for words and nothing is for real. 

Speechless, speechless…that’s how you make me feel.

You are always in my heart… Speechless

Your love is magical that’s how I feel…
but in your presence I am lost for words…

words like… like I LOVE YOU.

By Michael Jackson – Speechless - Invincible

1 comment:

  1. Loved and remembered ....

    Memories of Michael are like little stars,
    the comforting glow in the darkness of our grief.
    What remains are the love and grateful memories of a wonderful man.
    We miss you infinitely angel.
    It is not so sad that Michael is in the earth.