MJIWT and Fan Fest Las Vegas

I’m a small town girl from the far reaches of northern Los Angeles County. I prefer the quiet small town life but when offered the chance to view Michael's belongings up close and see the Michael Jackson Immortal World Tour again I jumped at it. Vegas was on my radar. I hadn’t been so excited about going to Vegas since my drinking days in the 70’s. I won’t go there now because back then whatever happened in Vegas stayed in Vegas. Now on the other hand whatever happens in Vegas must be shared.

I had not long ago been completely blessed to visit Montreal with 14 other MJ fans for one of the final rehearsals of MJIWT and once there I knew I just had to also see it in Vegas. Even the drama with the ticket agency attempting to put the kibosh on my ticket turned into gold for this trip. One ticket became two which enabled my dear friend Robyn to attend with me. I had reserved a room with two beds knowing there may be a fan who would need a bed for the weekend and sure enough my instincts had been right. Leaving work early with my heart already in Vegas I pulled up to my house to find Robyn waiting in my drive way just as we had planned. Our bags quickly tossed into the trunk and we were ready to roll. Destination: Vegas BABY!

The four and half hour drive passed quickly as we talked non stop about Michael, fan happenings, and of course the victorious GUILTY verdict and sentencing of the monster Conrad Murray. This trip and this weekend seemed the perfect way to celebrate the victory for JUSTICE for Michael. The sun set over the Nevada desert just as we approached the State Line and not much later like a magnet the lights of downtown Vegas pulled us in. I totally understand why Michael loved Vegas... a land where there is no time, brimming with artistic creativity, entertainment and show business at every turn. The city that never sleeps.

I had read a very surprising Vegas related article in Hip Hop Silver Edition Commemorative magazine shortly after Michael died. The chief of staff for Louis Farrakhan, Leonard Muhammad was interviewed. He had headed up the security staff for Michael during the trial in 2005 and for a short time after in 2006. It was a joy to learn that although Michael had been deeply wounded by the trial he had not just retreated to deep depression but had his hand in many projects the public did not know about. He never stopped creating. This story changed my memories of seeing the beautiful water shows in Vegas forever. Now they will always have Michael’s touch on them. It is no wonder they are so beautiful and always draw a crowd, especially at night. 

Part of the interview:
Q: Were you ever able to experience first hand the (MJ’s) artistic process or creative talents?
LM: I saw his artistry because he had a studio he had put in the house, that he was staying in at the time, and we would sometimes observe him. And from time to time people would come by who were co-writers or musicians and played the music that he would write and I saw a little of that.... but also to listen to him talk about his future as a developer, as someone who wanted to do theme parks and there are water shows and that sort of thing right now in Vegas that were designed right now by Michael Jackson that people don’t know that he in fact designed these spectacular water shows that you see when you drive down the strip in Las Vegas. Many of these things were designed by Michael, but it’s not known in the public.

So here we were in Vegas in Michael’s water wonderland of creativity and fun. Here he didn’t have to sleep... no one does unless they want to.

There was a gathering of some fans from MJNYFC, the New York fans, for a party on Friday afternoon we had been invited to a party at the Palms where Michael loved to stay and had stayed with his children many times. We missed that party because work came first for me but at least I was in Vegas now and we were headed to meet the fans at the second fan party at the WYNN hotel. We had parked the car and opted to use a taxi the entire weekend because of my penchant for getting lost. It was hilarious to me the next day when on the way to the Mandalay Bay Hotel the taxi driver was lost but I recognized my way and corrected him. There may be hope for me after all. In any event the taxi ride to the WYNN was a quick jaunt down the strip. The WYNN hotel is simply gorgeous and there is one room which so reminded me of Michael with giant ornate, glass, umbrella shaped, decorations hanging from the ceiling. It was simply beautiful. I was thrilled to see and meet up with several fans I’d met over the last two and half years. We opted not to go to the party after the long drive but instead returned to the room early (how my life has changed since the 70's) so we could be rested and fresh for the big day, the Vegas FAN FEST and MJIWT red carpet premier.

We were up and out early into the very cold, windy desert winds. The taxi pulling up was a welcome sight and we piled in grateful for warm air and escape from the wind. We had seen the MJIWT Mandalay Bay sign at night on the way into town but as we rolled up to the gold glimmering front doors we were hit by an absolute presence of Michael. As I stepped out of the taxi and took my first look I was taken aback, stopped dead in my tracks. It was as if Michael were here in concert himself. As if he was billed for a personal appearance. My heart sank. I was stuck at the front doors for sometime overwhelmed, tears brimming, heart racing, snapping pictures and trying to grasp reality, wanting my wishes to be the reality I was about to enter. If only he could be here. If only... taking a large cleansing breath we forged on through the front doors to find our way through the giant rooms filled with slots and tables leading to seemingly never ending vast corridors and alluring stores and shops. The air changes inside. I have heard that oxygen is pumped in to pump up the patrons, to keep then hopping at those gambling tables. We are not gamblers; however we didn’t need much help at getting pumped up. Everywhere we turned there were different types of signs with Michael’s picture leading you to Fan Fest or the concert hall for MJIWT. Every sign seemed to boost our energy level and spur us on. We secured our tickets from Will Call. Sadly there were many other fans learning that their tickets had also been sold out from under them or were simply not there. The greed surrounding anything Michael Jackson still astounds me. I will from now on always be sure to buy my tickets only from Ticketmaster.(will explain later)

Soon we thankfully sank down into a comfy chair in the close by Starbucks to nosh and drink our breakfast. As I was savoring the yummy, fortifying splendidness of my mocha latte I was so pleased to look up and see beautiful Raquel approaching me. She is the founder of the Las Vegas MJ fan club, and holds the MJ Fan Convention in Vegas every year through her group MJSUNIFC. We happily hugged each other hello. I was so happy to see her again after meeting her in Montreal. Her enthusiasm and energy is contagious. We shared for a minute or two and then she was on her way.

On to Fan Fest... not sure what to expect but remembering we had been promised in Montreal it would hold some wonderful items from Michael’s personal collection including the Neverland arch we all thought was gone forever, and that we would definitely be able to walk under it. I couldn’t even imagine that. Also the Scream set from the video would be there along with some of Michael’s own personal glove collection. It wasn’t long before we walked through the doors of the MJ Vegas Fan Fest. The lights were dimmed, Michael’s beautiful voice was singing to us. He was talking to Dick Clark on a huge screen and singing his little heart out with the Jackson Five. We entered the doors and then took just long enough to get pics at the Fan Fest Sign before moving slowly on to the main attraction. I felt myself holding my breath in  anticipation of what was to come. It was very emotional and sad for some fans. Tears were brimming and rolling down cheeks. Some came to tell me they needed to leave and would come back later, yet still found it difficult to pull themselves away from anything Michael and ended up staying. On display were Michael’s personal belongings that he wore, he touched, he treasured. What was on display held us in awe and rapture. We all slowly moved from item to item completely captivated. Memories flooding our minds. I would stop to talk to other fans and we all had the same look on our faces. There were no words to describe this feeling. For some it was too much. 

A beautiful friend approached me. I was so happy to see her there then as I saw the sadness in her eyes she collapsed in my arms and began to sob, gut wrenching sobs, heartbroken tears. My heart broke for her and it broke for Michael all over again. As I held her I wondered if this feeling, this missing Michael, this emptiness without him in this world... will it ever pass? We can’t seem to get enough of Michael Jackson. The need to be closer to him, to anything that is or was of Michael. I travel all over Michaeling. I take visiting fans and friends from all over to Michael spots, yet each time finding ourselves once there never quite able to conquer the feeling of emptiness, of missing him... it’s just not ever enough. Not enough because nothing we do will ever bring him back. Time has helped. In some ways this blanket of overwhelming grief seems to have changed, lifted, evolved, yet never seems to leave. Will there ever be closure? I believe I have come to accept... no; just the missing of Michael blended with the joy of the person Michael was on this earth and all he gave this world. Michael is our inspiration, our beauty, our enchantment, our ecstasy. It is the grief, the missing MJ that brought us all together... but the love of the human being that keeps us here. This day we celebrate the greatest entertainer to have ever lived on this planet. 

I won’t go into great detail about every item. There are a few that brought me to tears and took my breath away beyond description. There was a This Is It display that I refused to visit until the very end. It was too painful I just couldn’t face that one at first. Along with everyone else I oohhhed and ahhhed and gasped over and over and over again. The enormity of realizing I was standing in front of those shoes... the well worn loafers that clearly show the form of Michael's magical feet. One foot worn more than the other from spinning. Or the tank that MJ himself stood in front of in concerts around the world as he sang Earth Song or the ‘Castle’ that was housed in Michael’s living room at Neverland, it was mind boggling. Here in this room there is a feeling, a joy and it isn’t just the oxygen levels. Here you can feel Michael’s spirit. I have been to a few Julien’s auctions where Michael’s belongings or gifts from Michael to others were up for sale, albeit it was amazing and exhilarating as a fan to see these items up close but none of those visits can compare to what was felt at Fan Fest this day. Michael’s spirit was in this huge room. A room so large that his limos and the Neverland arch were on display with room to spare, yet it felt so warm and so filled with LOVE. Only Michael can do this. Only Michael can bring fans together from all over the world and then fill the entire room with awe and wonder. 

We walked on further to each display and were astounded at the walls filled with awards and honors and realized that this huge room filled with so many awards and items is only about 1/100th of all the awards and belongings that are still Michael’s. I want to say this right now because I know many fans are upset at the selling of some of Michael’s things. I am hoping that this knowledge will bring some comfort. I was told by Juliene's sometime ago that most of the items sold by Juliene’s are NOT from Michael’s personal collection. The personal collection is still very large and held by the Michael Jackson Estate. 

I turned at one point and saw John Branca and Karen Langford walking toward me so I moved over toward them. It was so wonderful to meet up with them again. Karen took on the giant task and responsibility of putting together the Fan Fest event. She did an amazingly spectacular job and I wanted to convey my appreciation for her hard work. John Branca has endeavored to create an experience for the MJ fans with both MJIWT and the Fan Fest event that honors Michael Jackson's legacy in a superb way that Michael so deserves. He has not fallen short. I am very impressed with his warm sincerity and it is very apparent to me that he deeply loves Michael and highly respects and values Michael’s fans just as Michael did. 

 After spending much time at the re-creation of Michael’s library and so wishing I could have just sat one time on the couch with Michael and discussed the latest book he may have just read or look through the same telescope he viewed the amazing Neverland stars thru we move on to the cars. The beautiful Rolls Royce limo and the Bentley both dark navy blue with Michael’s crown emblems adorning them in many places. The Bentley we are fascinated to learn has beautiful hand blown glass vases and mini chandelier type lights attached on the side walls in the back, along with gold trim and burl wood everywhere. Not just tinted windows but also curtains and tapestry pillows. These cars were made exclusively for Michael Jackson and you can see his touch in every detail. 

A friendly Fan Fest guard approached us and shared a wonderful Michael story. One of the women working for Fan Fest whose job it was to unpack boxes and set up displays found when she began opening the cars and unloading the boxes she was over whelmed by a feeling of Michael's presence. Upon opening the car doors Michael's scent was unmistakable. Each box she opened Michael's scent wafted out. At one point feeling overwhelmed she needed to take a break. She went upstairs to her room to relax, turned on the radio and heard Michael’s voice singing. She then said “Ok Michael I’ll go finish.”  There was no escaping Michael, his spirit was everywhere. I then asked if I could get in the limo to smell Michael but was told no. Yes ladies I tried. We stood and talked to this lovely man for a while and then I asked his name and wouldn’t you know it... wait for it... yes it was... ‘Michael’. We of course said, "ahhhhh... Michael." He gave us a strange look but seemed to be amused. I think he liked it. He told us we needed to make sure and take a close look at the Smooth Criminal suit from the This Is It display as it had a stain on the lapel. The stain he said was from Michael. Painfully I listened as a knife cut through my heart to hear that the stain was from Michael throwing up because he had become dehydrated and was feeling ill. I told him I just couldn’t look yet but would later on near the end.

Then I meandered over and took my time admiring the wonderful fan art that was on display including a ‘thumbs up MJ Mickey Mouse.’ Only a tiny microcosm of the fan art Michael collected and received from fans around the world. I have heard but don’t know if it is true, that there a several huge warehouses full of fan art. I don’t doubt it. Two wonderful stories came to mind when I was looking at this art. One from the owner of Youngs Art Gallery in Los Olivos about a time he was delivering art for Michael at Neverland. As he stood in Michael’s office talking to the ranch manager he looked over to a room that was haphazardly filled to the top with boxes and items. He commented about it all and was told that what he was looking at was only a few days worth of presents for Michael and it would be cleared and taken to a warehouse to make room for more mail that would inevitably arrive daily. Michael loved to receive art and presents from his fans. Michael truly loved his fans.

The other story which sprang to mind as I looked closely at the fan art work was one John Branca had shared in Montreal. John had shared that after Michael passed away the MJ Team took on the task of going through his things and were elated to find huge stacks of video tapes. They were even more elated to learn these were personal tapes of Michael’s from concerts he gave from around the world. Thinking these might hold unseen concert footage they were all amused to learn when they watched video after video that these tapes were filled with footage of nothing but Michael’s fans watching him at concerts. He loved to watch his fans watch him on stage. To Michael seeing his fans in the audience was just as fascinating and entertaining as the fans watching him on stage. Yes, that was our humble, loving Michael.

After moving to the back of the hall where some very interesting MJIWT costumes were on display It was now time for me to finally see the TII display. I slowly approached and tried to just take in the genius and creativity of Michael with this display. The spider was absolutely amazing and I could just see Michael coming out from under it. I wanted to get under it to be where he had been but it was chained down or believe me I would have tried. Hee Hee I looked at the fine detail of Zaldy’s creations and wondered how on earth Michael as frail as he was could have worn those beautiful but heavy designs and danced in them. The pant legs were so skinny, so thin. My heart broke for Michael. Then I took a very up close look at the stain on the Smooth Criminal outfit. Sadness flooded my heart as tears filled my eyes once again for Michael. He wanted so much to show the world all he had been creating. I needed to move away and digest my thoughts and feelings so I moved to sit on the TII stage. I had only sat there for a few moments when I turned to see my wonderful friend Wendy moving toward me saying my name, with a huge beautiful smile on her face. I reached out and gave her a giant hug. I was so happy to see her and admire her so much proving, yet once again the deep sadness of loosing Michael is continually, paradoxically accompanied with great happiness and joy. This thought immediately went straight to my heart like an arrow as do all things Michael, leaving me to wonder if Michael himself had not experienced this contradictory feeling throughout his amazing life. He suffered so much at the hands of humans but on the other hand was blessed beyond comprehension with the life God gave him to live, for he surely was chosen for an extraordinary life. I suddenly thought as I stood in front of the TII display with people I love dearly who always bring joy into my life every time I see them... is this a tiny thimble full of what it was like to be around Michael? 

We now had seen everything at least twice. I went back yet again now and took more pictures of the displays as the fans had thinned out near closing. We had arrived before it had begun and like many MJ events stayed until we were told we had to leave. Now we had gravitated back to the library. It was so warm, comfortable and cozy. What struck me was that it was so simple, not ostentatious in any way, very earthy but beautiful. Most especially strikingly beautiful was Michael’s desk. There is a bronze bust of Walt Disney on the mantel which evokes ahhhs. The pictures over the fire place old school fox hunting pictures, very simple and a stark contrast to Michael’s beautiful desk. I wondered if they had come with the ranch when Michael bought it and with the huge collection of art he owned why he never chose to change the pictures out for more Neverland type paintings, such as the ones Dave Nordahl had done for him on so many occasions. Maybe one day I'll find out.  I could just see Michael sitting on the brown, leather, diamond tuck, button couch accepting his awards on TV as he had done so many times. One time in particular with Chris Tucker popped in my head and I could see Michael laughing at Chris’ jokes, giggling up a storm and most likely eventually rolling on the floor in gales of laughter. It was about then I noticed Miko Brando approaching us. Miko is still a beautiful, staunchly loyal friend to Michael. At the Julien’s auction where the Thriller jacket was for sale I had asked him what he thought of the auction and he very understandably shook his head sadly and firmly stated, “I could never sell anything that Michael gave me.” Miko is a quiet, kind man whose grief at the Julien’s auction was absolutely palpable. My heart broke for his loss and although I wanted to ask him many questions, as I always do to those I meet who knew Michael, I simply could not bring myself to intrude on his private sorrow. A surreal feeling enveloped me as he casually stood next to me just between the Neverland arch and Michael’s library and we talked. Robyn and I asked about the magnificent desk in Michael’s library and we were thrilled to learn it was made of mahogany inlay and real gold. He also shared that Michael really loved that desk and had it special ordered. We remarked about the incredibly beautiful chess set and Miko explained in Michael's library it was displayed on a high table which enabled Michael to play chess while standing up. We had run into a local Las Vegas performer, Bella, from Hungary who was also taking in Fan Fest and said Michael had attended a circus he ran many years ago in Vegas which made perfect sense since Michael loved animals. He had shared how Michael loved to watch the large cats at the circus and Miko talked about how Michael loved the large cats and had written a song for 'Siegfried and Roy'. Hysterically Bella had thought I was ‘someone’ famous and kept asking my name. I was tempted to tell him I was Bea from Mayberry but stopped myself. Yes I know that ages me but I am old. HA! Google Mayberry RFD. I assured him I was no one, just an MJ fan, but later when he approached Miko as I stood next to him I informed him that Miko was definitely ‘someone’ special. That he was a huge part of Michael’s life. We told him about all the videos and movies Miko was in with Michael and named them one by one; Thriller, Moonwalker, You Rock My World and that he was even married at Neverland. As we talked I thought about a life time of memories that must daily over flow in Miko’s heart for his best friend. There I was standing next to someone who so loved and supported Michael unfailingly through simply everything for several decades. It was in fact Miko who was there to protect Michael and make sure the fire was out during the Pepsi disaster. It was Miko who placed his body over Michael to put out the flames with his jacket. Bella said he knew Michael because he'd seen Billie Jean and Thriller and Miko said, "That wasn't Michael. Billie Jean was someone he played on stage." So many fans believe they know Michael because of what they have seen on stage or in videos but Michael was a performer and transformed on stage. It is always so wonderful to speak to someone who knew the man Michael truly was. As I stood next to Miko again I wanted to ask so many questions but this time it was just simply enough to stand and talk with him about ‘stuff.’ The desk, the couch, the books, the telescope. He shared that he and Michael spent many times together in the library at Neverland. Yes he confirmed that Michael certainly did use the telescope and loved to look at the stars over Neverland through it. My star gazing at the gates of Neverland will never be the same now as I picture Michael peering through that giant telescope. I noticed the red and gold ‘Team MJ’ jacket he was wearing and asked about it, hoping somehow it might be available for purchase. He told me that all those who came together to support Michael after his death with the Estate became the 'Team MJ’ and each were given a jacket. He wore it proudly.

It was now time to go. We had spent four hours visiting Michael’s things and feeling his magic in this Michael wonderland, taking a very up close look at his personal belongings including the famous crown, stage costumes, awards, cars, arcade games, Michael’s bling; his amazing jewelry, pins and belts. It was simply incredible and hard to believe four hours had passed so quickly but it was time to go. There was a red carpet event down stairs we wanted to attend before the show. So off we went to the red carpet which turned out to be, as Robyn put it, "Just a room with a red carpet that went no where." It was for media only behind close doors. It's Vegas and apparently the illusion of a Red Carpet entrance is what works. The MJ fans were not to be deterred though and we stood very close to the doors so we could be supporting MJIWT in whatever way we could. We all took this privacy as a way to protect Michael’s children who were attending the premier and were making a showing inside the room on the red carpet.

The red carpet turned out to be a very private affair and Mandalay Bay people were not happy about MJ fans being there, to the point of great rudeness. We were not dismayed though and stood our ground. Soon Jackie and Tito Jackson came by, not stopping but saying a quick hello as they went inside. As I was standing there near the entrance table I suddenly felt a hairy thing like a dog under my hand and realized the lead dancer of the show, who is simply amazingly talented, and Bubbles were passing just inches in front of me. That was a surreal moment to know I had just petted Bubbles without even trying. Bubbles actually is a man dressed like Bubbles and he does a spot on imitation of a chimp. We didn’t have to wait too much longer when Travis Payne and Stacy Walker both choreographers and dancers who worked with Michael made sure to come by to see the MJ fans and visit with us. The Mandalay Bay workers tried hard to deter them from visiting with us and to send them the other way but they were so friendly and kind and spent several minutes with the fans taking pictures and saying hello. Travis’ jacket was absolutely amazing and looked as if it was most certainly a Zaldy design. They both looked just stunning. Travis kindly took a picture with me as Robyn told him, “I LOVE your jacket, Travis!” He responded with, “You do? Well you can have it then” as he laughed and took off down the hall for his red carpet interview. It was very chaotic in the hallway as the Mandalay Bay staff decided to hold a national cheer leading rally right in the middle of the hall way during the same time as the red carpet proceedings. All was not lost though as I looked up and saw Jeff Jampol and the staff from the MJ Online team looking very handsome and dapper for the premier night as well as Karen Langford and John Branca all coming our way. John had told me earlier that his children were enjoying themselves at Fan Fest and he now had them in tow for the red carpet as well. Simply stunningly, beautiful children with gorgeous blonde hair. He glowed with pride as he walked through the crowd with them heading for the red carpet. He too along with his team made sure to greet the MJ fans much to the chagrin of the Mandalay staff. The Red Carpet was not for the fans and actually pretty disappointing but the show was about to begin so we moved on making our way through the cheerleaders as they yelled, cheered, jumped and performed their routines while all their supporters clapped and cheered along. As they all yelled "YAYYY!!" I wanted so badly to chime in "YAYYY Michael!!!" but held my tongue. Somehow I wondered how MJ fans quietly standing in a hallway could be so distracting in comparison to the boisterous cheer leading squads. We also passed many cow boys and their cow girls since there was also the yearly rodeo happening on this same weekend in Vegas. The crowd was a baffling mixture of cheering sports groups, cowboys and MJ Fans we all got along famously except for the Mandalay staffers who seemed to not get along with anyone who wasn't a celeb or media. We moved on up the stairs away from the chaos to the concert hall to find our seats. Let the show begin! 

 I could hardly contain my excitement and had been anxiously waiting to see MJIWT again. My ticket had gone south on me when the agency I bought it from sold it out from under me and forced a later show and different seat location on me. To say the least I was not happy about this but as God always does with the seemingly bad he turned that ticket into two for the early red carpet show which enabled Robyn to attend with me. The seats were higher in the nose bleed section but we were perfectly happy with that. I had already seen from rehearsals the higher seats afford a better over all view of all that is Cirque. I brought binoculars just in case though and celeb watched while we waited for the show to begin. Michael’s children and Katherine were there in the front row and not far away were Tito and Jackie and many cousins were with the children. John Branca and his family were right behind Katherine and the children. Then also many MJNY fans and other fans I know were behind or near them in floor seats. Very cool for them to be so close to the stage and all those dear ones Michael loved so much.

The show began and Michael’s music and voice filled the arena. The Neverland gates and Michael’s bronze statues came alive before our eyes. It's at this point that it was reported Paris put her head on her cousin’s shoulder as memories flooded in from her childhood, her home at Neverland. The amazing miniature hot air balloon which held a animatronic MJ as a child floated over the crowd without a hitch as Michael’s heart glowed red beating inside little Michael. I was so completely thrilled to see that the idea I had shared in Montreal for Michael’s silhouette had come to life as Michael’s Billie Jean image in different poses projected onto a giant curtain. As it moved slightly in the breeze, my heart skipped a beat as it even gave the feeling that Michael himself was there. The cirque staff are amazingly talented and so creative. I was disappointed that the top of the giving tree was not there and later learned they had to forego it because of injuries to the acrobats. I'm hoping all problems are worked out and it reappears in Los Angeles. However for me the show was just amazing in spite of that. I whooo hood and danced in my seat to Michael’s music. How can you not? Many cried and Robyn and I shared tissues with a fan from Japan we sat next to and I’m not even sure she spoke English but we definitely all spoke the language of LOVE for Michael Jackson. There were many ahhhs over and over again from the audience and some just couldn’t help themselves but had to stand and dance at their seats. Robyn and I simply had to move to the music in our seats. I lost my voice yelling whooo hoooo and yayyyyy and clapped like crazy after each segment. Who could not? Yes I left my voice in Vegas and it took all week for it to return to normal but was totally worth it. The MJIWT is a journey through Michael’s musical career and simply crammed with so much of his music. Kevin Antunes and Greg Phillinganes and the band did a spectacular job on the music. Robyn was amazed and astounded when she realized what we were listening to was the real kick ass live band, the real singers and not track. The MJIWT Cirque show IS the tribute to Michael we have all long been waiting for. Michael’s voice, music and spirit filled the arena. He spoke his beautiful words in sections which also brought ohhhs, ahhs and tears. I tire so much of the critical fans who are just never pleased by anything. Those that refuse to even open their minds to this wonderful tribute to Michael and sit and criticize without ever having seen it. This IS a simply amazing show which brings so much honor to Michael. We need to embrace and support it. I am so very pleased with the MJIWT Cirque show and I am looking very forward to seeing it again when it comes to Los Angeles. Once or twice is simply not enough. Hee Hee

It was non stop Michael music the entire time and even pyrotechnics. The pole dancer was an incredible show stopper and the brilliant grace and beauty of the trapeze dancers was beyond amazing. The ‘Is It Scary’ segment with the contortionist worm who comes out of the book is one of my absolute favorite parts of the show as well as the show stopping Billie Jean finale performance with the light up suits which Michael would have pioneered at the O2.

We laughed and we cried and we left elated. Then on our way out as God would have it we ended up walking out with the heads of staff of the resident Immortal Cirque show which will be a permanent show at Mandalay Bay in 2013. I spoke to Wilby from Cirque who I had met when we all brain stormed in Montreal at the Cirque du Soleil corporate offices and was so shocked to know he recognized and remembered me right away. He introduced me to Jack Kenn, the VP and General Manager of the resident Cirque du Soleil shows. Also another on the creative end of things was a very shy and unassuming gentleman from France, Michelle. Wilby introduced me as a ‘Super Fan’ and yes that fits me very well. I will wear that label proudly, yes I am and always will be a Michael Jackson Super Fan. I was so honored. It was awesome again to give my input to their questions as we walked. They were so kind. I also look very forward to the permanent Immortal show.

The final consensus of the MJIWT Cirque du Soleil show from audience members walking out of the show that night, all that I heard speak on the way out, was that it was just fabulous. After spending the day at Fan Fest and seeing the show all else pretty much fell flat for me. I was floating on a cloud in Michael land.

The next day before leaving Vegas I just simply had to visit Michael’s favorite antique store in Vegas, the Regis Galerie in the beautiful Venetian Hotel which was just a brisk walk down the strip from our hotel. The Venetian Hotel now stands where the old Sands Hotel of the ratpack era stood which would explain all the ratpack memorabilia mixed in with fine jewelry, glass, painted bronze collectibles and antiques in the store. I was not surprised at all to see it packed full of antiques and unusual items. Michael seemed to like the small packed antique stores. In the front windows the Bashir interview played. The interview when visiting the store Michael says, “You Whooo! You Whoo!” (I just love that). The clip plays on a continuous loop on two separate TVs in both windows to either side of the front entrance of the shop with a statement saying “Our Dear friend Michael, You Will Be Missed.” I stood for quite a while waiting to get a clear shot of the store front and was pleased to see so many tourists stop to watch the video of Michael. Robyn and I walked through the down stairs portion of the store, the upstairs is blocked off, looking at all the beautiful and unusual treasures. We stood at the 'You Whooo' stair well and the tables along the wall reminded me of Michael's library desk and I wondered if he had special ordered his desk from the Regis Galerie. In the center of the main floor we discovered a framed picture of Michael on display which shows him admiring a beautiful re-creation of the crucifixion of Christ. The framed picture sits on the table in front of the same re-creation Michael is looking at in the picture. It is a breathtakingly beautiful piece. We met one of the owners of the store and he said that Michael was not just a customer but also a friend and he would come into shop and they would often go to dinner or lunch at the near by restaurants in the Venetian Hotel. We went inside a restaurant he pointed us to and clearly it would be a place where Michael would feel comfortable. All seating is hidden upstairs away from view over looking the canals where gondolas glide by and gondoliers sing the most heavenly songs, their beautiful voices echoing off the walls creating a ethereal effect. I vowed the next time I am in Vegas to eat at this wonderful restaurant.  The inside of the Venetian is painted like the out doors of Italy. It is just simply stunning. In the main entrance section the ceilings are a reminder of the Michelangelo ceilings Michael loved so much.

It was time to make the long trek home from the city that never sleeps. I am still unwinding from this trip. Everything feels somewhat dull now as reality sets in and I am forced back in to my everyday life. I do however wonder what my next MJ adventure will hold and I am so looking forward to January when MJIWT Cirque du Soleil comes to Los Angeles. Will you be there? 

Neverland Valley Sign - Good Bye For Now

Videos courtesy of Melanie Freeman - MJ fans of NY

Great blog post on Seven's blog 777 about Miko Brando and a great read from Miko about Michael and their friendship.
http://www.mj-777.com/?p=6806

The Soup Is Hot!

                     
Yes it does rain in Southern California. Today with the first real rain storm of the winter season and it was pouring down as my son, Justin, his girl friend, Megan and myself traveled to the Getty Museum in Los Angeles for my birthday. Not the best weather for this outing but I am happy to spend time together no matter the weather. Many fond memories come back of wonderful times at the Getty with my son when he was younger, spending hours and hours lost in the beauty. I love to wander the galleries in this grand place. Beauty surrounds you at every turn. The architecture, the stone, the grounds all tell a story, a feast for the eye everywhere you look. The rain did not allow the tour of the incredible gardens but the views inside were magnificent. So we happily spent the day gazing at paintings from the masters like Monet, Degas, Cezanne, Renoir, Van Gogh and many more artists I don’t know the names of so readily, exquisite sculptures and the most amazing and riveting red on black photographic story of slave history that simultaneously moved me to tears and took my breath away.

Michael Jackson is never far away in my thoughts and when I saw this painting from the 1700's it reminded me of Michael at the Superbowl. Hee Hee

                                           Statue of A Boy and a Frog.

After seeing everything we had come to see at the Getty we decided to have dinner nearby at BJ’s in Westwood. Everything happens for a reason. We searched for a parking spot to no avail then circled the block coming back just in time to see a car leaving just around the corner from BJ’s and slid right in behind them as they left. The rain had let up a bit and now was just a steady drizzle as we stood at the parking meter feeding it change. Behind me I heard a voice, “Hello can you spare some money?” I turned and looked and there stood a shaggy black man with a big toothless smile. He had on layers of clothes and a beanie. I nodded back at him to acknowledge a hello and kept feeding the parking meter. He waited until we were done feeding the machine and said, “If you can spare some money... it’s for food.” I am always leery of handing over my hard earned money to the homeless thinking it may go to alcohol or drugs so that statement assuaged that thought a bit. I looked at him closer now as he smiled big, he touched my heart. I said, “I’ll bring you back some food. Ok?”  His face brightened as he said, “Oh that would be great. I’ll be right here. See there’s my bed” as he pointed to the doorway inlet of a store where his sleeping bag and some personal belongings were stored dry and out of the rain, then said, “This is where I’m staying. I’ll be right here.” I gave him the thumbs up as we walked on our way to assure him we were not blowing him off.

Megan and I shared an umbrella as we forged on down the city street to BJ’s with Justin walking just behind us in his rain gear. I shared with her under the umbrella, “I dunno but he looks like his name might be Willie. What do you think?” She agreed but then we both agreed his name may be Sam or Joe as we had no idea. I regretted not asking his name. We went inside the restaurant and the first thing I thought was what would be best for Willie. Maybe chili or soup or a sandwich? Megan and I discussed what Willie might like to eat and Justin asked, “Who’s Willie?” We laughed and Megan chimed in, “Oh that’s what we think the homeless man’s name might be.” He nodded and smiled and we all decided maybe chili or soup would be the best. I said, “I’m not sure why but this homeless man has become so very important to me just since we met him and walked around the corner. I just really want him to have a hot meal on this cold rainy day.”

We made our own choices for dinner and ordered, enjoyed our meal together as always. I so love to spend time with my son and Megan. We talk about anything and everything and they don’t mind my Michaelness. In fact they have grown to enjoy it... I think. In any event they seem to. LOL We topped off the meal with a shared birthday piezookie and vanilla ice cream. It was just delicious. Thinking of the homeless man I was so grateful for my family, the togetherness and warm meal we had just shared. We gathered Willie’s food, a stuffed baked potato with cheese and broccoli, steaming hot tortilla soup and a holiday spritzer with lime slices to wash it down. Justin carried the food as we walked around the corner. Our hungry man by this time was nestled up in his sleeping bag in the doorway, almost undetectable as he was entirely covered including his head. I said, “Hello are you there?” He popped up out the sleeping bag and startled me making me jump. Justin gave him his food as I told him, "The soup is hot." He gratefully thanked us. I couldn’t stand it another minute. I had to know the real name of this man who had touched my heart with only a few sentences... so I asked. I fully expected him to say Willie... but instead he looked up at me and said, “Michael.” My jawed dropped. I was speechless. Justin and Megan both looked at me as I just stood there completely taken off guard, realizing the weight of that one word, that name in this situation. My heart was so full. My hand had gone to my heart and I was patting my chest, my heart, as I looked at him. Justin and Megan told him again the soup was hot and to enjoy his meal to fill the silence as I stared at him mouth open. After what seemed like a long silence all I could get out was, “Michael? Michael.” He nodded at me. I NEVER expected him to say Michael. He smiled really big and his eyes sparkled as he said, “I’ll eat the soup first. Thank you.”  I finally said, “Enjoy your food. God bless you, Michael.”

We loaded into the car and as we drove away he waved good bye with a big smile from the shelter of his doorway. The power of the moment was not lost on any of us. Megan was first to say, “We were absolutely supposed to park there. We were supposed to be right there where he was.” My son said, “He said his name was Michael, he could have said Mike. Most people would say Mike but he said Michael.” This is the first time my son and his girlfriend have been a part of a Michael experience with me. We all three felt the warmth of the blessing from the Lord, the Michael blessing. They now understand and have experienced with me how Michael Jackson continues to touch my life in amazing ways. Michael's LOVE lives on. I am so happy the Lord brought us, all four, to that moment in time for such a blessing. What a simply beautiful day, rain and all, filled with so much joy, affection and LOVE and to top it off we met the most endearing man, Michael. ♥♥♥ 
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After  posting I received this comment from reader: Door Bos

As Jermaine writes in his book You are not alone: once Michael wanted to visit a show of Jermaine; he had to go in disguise because he wanted all the attention for Jermaine and not for himself; he walked in the dressing room of Jermaine and a friend introduced him as "Uncle WILLIE".Even Jermaine didn't recognize Michael. Isn't it nice when 2 things come together? Thanks for this beautiful story ♥

Thank you for this picture Bonnie MJ-Upbeat

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Also after posting this story it was pointed out to me that Michael said "I'll be right here." Twice! ET's famous words. This to me is again NO coincidence. A touch from above.

♫ "Where ever you maybe, I'll look up and see someone in the dark for me."♫ 

Michael, you'll forever be my someone in the dark. Thank you. RIP Michael ♥♥♥ 

"I'll be right here." ♥♥♥

Michael so loved the story of ET. The same year he won the Grammy for Thriller he also won a Grammy for Best Children's Album, ET: The Extraterrestrial Storybook. He said that was the one Grammy he was most proud of.  


           

Two of many candle chandeliers displayed at the Getty. I love chandeliers.  :)

Just love this picture. So tender and sweet. I believe it's called The Young Girl.

“Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby
some have entertained angels unawares.”
Hebrews 13:2


My Birthday Wish - Guilty!

It was my birthday this week, my co-workers filled my day with joy, blessing me with an incredible Michael fantasyland. Turning my cubicle in the land of beige cubicles into a Michael wonderland. It was a beautiful sight to see those who are not even MJ fans dancing down the isle singing Thriller. Smiling and nodding, commenting “Wow” "Cool" “Awesome” “Beautiful” “Amazing.”  Many talked about how incredible Michael was. This kind and thoughtful gesture, the fact that they cared about what was important to me and honored me with this gift on my birthday was a huge blessing for me at a time when I needed it most. They shared about how much fun they had putting it all together and uncharacteristically surprised me with hugs. It was simply amazing. MJ was literally everywhere as I toiled through my work day lifting me and all who came near. Michael’s magic was in the smiles and wonder on the faces of those who came to gaze. There is an unmistakable look you see on the face of those who truly love Michael. There is a softness in their eyes which stems from their heart and fills their face. That certain adoration and smile is unmistakable to others who love Michael. I saw that look on a new co-worker as she stood outside my cube and we immediately bonded. She shared how much she and her husband love MJ, how hard she cried when he died, how they were so incredibly excited for ‘This Is It’ at the O2, for Michael's come back even though they couldn’t afford to go. She fondly shared how her grandparents lived across the street from the Jackson family on Hayvenhurst when she was little during the Thriller era while Michael still lived there. How as an 8 year old she’d play out front and would see all the cars coming and going from the Jackson home. She remembered standing in the front yard one afternoon looking at all the comings and goings asking her mom, “Why are all those cars there, mommy? Who lives there?” and her mother’s quiet, respectful answer, “A VERY special, famous person honey, Michael Jackson. You don’t know who he is now but one day you will.” She shared how growing up she watched all of Michael’s videos and fell asleep to his music every night. Yes I teared up several times on my birthday at work. It was very difficult to concentrate on work as MJ LOVE surrounded me all day.

Let’s face it I am an oldster now, part of the Baby Boomer generation. AARP started mailing me my application 10 years ago now and I still haven’t filled out that dag-nabbet thang. Hee Hee I don’t feel old, I still feel like a kid some days and act like it many other days. Its not my cup of tea to celebrate my birthday now that the children are grown and gone and I am single. Instead I like to celebrate life all year long. I love to laugh and often treat myself to special precious moments, occasional items I want just because I deserve them, because they make me happy. Hee Hee My birth-day is a day I just simply like to forget but lately no one let’s me. To me its the day when I have to acknowledge the logged time on this earth which as it mounts in today’s work day world and today’s society is not always kind. Sometime... as Michael always said the word... leaving off the s. I just love that Michaelism. There were several he said that way but this is my fav.  So much so that now when I hear ‘sometimes’ it sounds incorrect, yet in all actuality it is incorrect, because you are usually talking about one time, not many. The English language is funny. So once again Michael is right... but I digress... 'Sometime' it seems the older you get the less you are needed. The less important you become. No matter how much I loved my mother I watched her experience this. Then like the beautiful woman she was I saw her rally with great altruistic volunteerism for the poor.

In the Michael Jackson world age does not matter. Our Peter Pan never wanted to grow old and sadly for the world his wish came true. LOVE for Michael spans all generations and just like Peter Pan will never grow old. I recently heard a friend talk about how there was a lovely lady, a 91 year old Michael Jackson fan sharing her huge heart of LOVE for Michael with some Jackson family members. Then right along side her clearly also showing his giant LOVE and admiration of Michael was a little 3 year old boy dressed just like Michael dancing his heart out doing Michael’s spins and everything. Michael’s LOVE knows no boundaries. Only Michael Jackson could bring the world together in this way.

Sometime as the fans gather at parties and events I look at them all with such wonderment and picture Frosty’s ‘Island of Misfit Toys.’ To me its fitting, people from all nationalities, religions, ages, every demographic, crossing all realms of society. Michael reached out to the suffering and broken, we identified with Michael’s pain long before we heard him talk about it in the now famous slurred tape recording the monster made after he had drugged him. A tape clearly marked for evil which only proved and revealed to the world Michael’s true heart of innocent, pure love for children as well as his deep hurt and pain. The MJ community is home to many who hurt. His music and LOVE for the world carried so many through difficult life situations, illnesses and debilitating loneliness and pain... still does. Some even say it saved their lives. How can that be? Simply because Michael put everything he was into his music. He gave his ‘everything.’ He was the music and as he has openly shared, the source of his music was God. God is LOVE. God is healing. So those notes, his voice, the words, the music still today are a living breathing legacy of Michael’s spiritual life on this planet. Still bringing life and healing for generations to come For All Time. His LOVE will NEVER stop, our LOVE for Michael will never stop, his LOVE lives on in us. We will never let go of our Minstrel of Peace and LOVE.

A beautiful interview of Michael by Geraldo Rivera during the trial of 2005. Michael was hurting so badly during this time yet his true character of LOVE and wisdom shone so bright. I love this  interview of Michael, please take a look. The full interview is in a series of 5 on You Tube.


As I look back over this last two and half years I have met a multitude of amazing people from all over the world, experienced beautiful LOVE and forged friendships I will treasure always. I could never have dreamed that the deep pain and grief I was inexplicably experiencing for someone I have never met would lead me to the beautiful, enriching friendships I now hold dear.

I have also seen and experienced the other side as well, the incredibly horrific and cruel fighting within the MJ community. I have wondered off and on if any of them have listened to Michael’s words and learned anything from him at all. I have seen incredible amounts of narcissism and self promotion using MJ’s name. Sometime I have even wondered why some of them state they are Michael Jackson fans because they clearly never understood what he was about.

After all the in-fighting, all the stress, all the tension of fighting for Justice each in our own way the long awaited verdict day arrived. For me it was one of the most stressful days of the last two and half years. The trial had been like reliving Michael’s death over and over again, ripping at my heart, pulling the scab off daily. I felt just plain raw and very vulnerable, pain oozing out of a broken heart again.  Every emotion imaginable running through me, bubbling over. I know I wasn’t alone. I had great faith that the monster would be found guilty but still the emotions boiled. I made several visits to Holly Terrace to pay respect to Michael and share that we were not giving up and JUSTICE was coming. I had fans approach me saying “What if he is found not guilty?” I refused to speak about that, refused to give it any power. For me I had prayed and given it to the Lord, thanked him in advance for a Guilty verdict. That would be the only out come I would consider. I shied away from anyone during the trial who wanted to discuss the possibility of the opposite. I stuck close to my faith filled praying friends. My faith would not be shaken. Unable to attend at the court house because of work I was just beside myself. I had fans texting me and calling me at work daily... then FINALLY... verdict day arrived... the verdict myself and so many others had prayed for was read... GUILTY! Conrad Murderer pronounced GUILTY in a court of law! We were all jubilant! I watched my computer screen at work as the fans at the courthouse cried, screamed, fainted, smiled, jumped up and down, laughed, sang, danced and drove by the court house honking. Finally JUSTICE!

Personally I became very quiet and introspective not sure what I was feeling. A co-worker came by saying, “I thought you’d be jumping up and down screaming for joy?” I too thought the same thing but I wasn’t. Instead after a loud whispered “GUILTY” I openly thanked the LORD then quietly turned inward. Definitely there was happiness and relief, just a feeling of drinking in the JUSTICE. Soaking in the wonderful sight of ‘Take No Crap’ Bailiff Deputy Jones slapping the cuffs on Conrad Murderer before he could even stand up. YES!! God bless Deputy Jones! I LOVE that man so much! Then seeing him being led away to jail. Only to hear moments later he was no longer in his slick documentary bought $uit, that he was immediately stripped of it and was now wearing a jail house orange jump suit. FINALLY on his way to be put behind bars where he long deserved to be. As I beheld him in cuffs being led away a satisfied elated smile started at my face and traveled to my toes as I pictured him in that ill fitting orange jump suit, short in the crotch and up to his calves and elbows since he is a giant excuse for a human being. This small embarrassment rendered on such a narcissistic monster brought much satisfaction picturing him stripped of ‘things’ that were more important to him than the life of Michael Jackson.



Upstairs in the courthouse Steve Cooley held a press conference to try to claim victory and credit as if he was the one personally responsible for the guilty verdict. I laughed out loud later as I watched on TV seeing that La Toya’s leaving the court house and speaking to the press interrupted and bumped him from the screen. It was hilarious! Yes, Steve Cooley, the family of Michael Jackson IS far more important than you! All the while David Walgren who fought hard for Michael, who showed the heart of a Lion of LOVE appalled by the injustice, the atrocity of what was done to Michael stood silently by Cooley waiting patiently to say his peace. I just love that man. David Walgren our hero. There were many heroes for us MJ Fans during the trial. David Walgren a mighty warrior in Michael’s Army of Soldiers of LOVE, Deborah Brazil a strong pillar for truth “And when you refer to your instrument...”, Dr. Alon Steinberg blew the truth right out of the darkness into the light, Dr. Steven Shafer slammed the truth out of the park and put the golden seal on it. I LOVE each of them and will feel eternally grateful to all of them for publicly speaking the truth that tens of thousands of MJ fans have been sharing for over two years. Verdict Day was a great day of Good conquering Evil!

Yet there is so little justice, like table scraps we all scurry, grasping for any minuscule justice we can get. Finally ‘some’ JUSTICE for Michael. We’ll take whatever we can get. Did they count on that? Yet still now I revel at the word GUILTY. That word will forever have a different joyous meaning for me. Yet there was a nagging feeling I couldn’t shake, pressing at my heart, echoing inside, the emptiness, the silence... getting louder. Still there.. nothing had really changed... still there. The same silence that clanged like a giant door slamming shut when the light of Michael Jackson’s life left this earth. Yes there it was STILL. Although I felt Michael was there on Verdict Day, both outside and inside the courthouse many, many times all the way back to the first Airport Courthouse Arraignment of Conrat Murderer, still that feeling of silence was ever present. Nothing... nothing we ever do will bring back Michael. He is gone.... forever. There is NO JUSTICE in this tragedy. The reality is nothing will ever bring back Michael. Further true justice will only be served up by God himself for all those responsible for the death of Michael Jackson. Clearly that process of killing Michael started over 10 years ago when those that wanted what Michael had plotted and schemed to steal it from him by using vile accusations and lies to tear his spirit and heart apart. For Michel truly died of a broken heart.

Excerpt from a story about Angelica Huston who starred with him in Captain EO:

(unsure of the source)

Conrad Murray is not the first nor the last person to be privy to Michael Jackson's dream for children. In an article by Italian journalist Silvia Bizio, Anjelica Huston who played opposite Jackson in the Captain EO film for Disney, accidentally ran into Michael Jackson about a month before he died. They hugged, hunkered down in a room together and caught up on each others' lives. 

Huston remembered Michael as being tender and fragile, having trouble mustering up enough anger to carry out his role as Captain EO with a spaceship crew who sings 'We are here to change the world.' She said it was as if anger didn't live in his DNA. He needed her there, in costume and sneering her lines to play off her villainous character. Huston said he seemed even more fragile especially emotionally, during their brief encounter. She put her arms around him; she says:

"We talked about how he had felt humiliated by the accusation of sexual harassment and about the sorrow for the loss of Neverland, where he had lived many years. I remember his words: 'They ruined my dream. I had this dream, perhaps childish and foolish, a place designed to celebrate the innocence of that childhood that I never had, and they took it from me. I love children, I could never do them harm. I spent all my life loving them and trying to do good things for them. The libel of harming a child--that breaks my heart. It is an unbearable pain, those accusations are unjust and terrible...' As he said these things, he began to cry. I held him in my arms...He was so skinny and frail."
Jackson told her he was preparing for the London concerts. She remembers: 

"He was training hard because he would have 'no more hope to be loved back again.' He wanted to be let back in to the hearts of the public after his public lynching for something he said he didn't do and a jury of his peers agreed with. Huston goes on: "he was thin and pale; I could feel so much pain in him for the past and a lot of anxiety and uncertainty for the future."

When asked by Bizio, "What do you think really killed Michael Jackson?' Anjelica Huston didn't hesitate: "Michael had a broken heart. For this he died. The truth is that they broke his heart."
~~~~~~~~~~

The sentencing of Conrat Murderer will be Nov. 29th. I am holding on to hope, praying that Judge Pastor will hand him the full sentence. Clearly now the whole world has seen and understands the atrocity done to Michael. Yes I’m now holding my breath and praying Judge Pastor will remain strong in his conviction of CM and sentence him to the full 4 years. Wait 4 years? YUP! Is this a joke? GUILTY of killing the King of Pop! A murdering sociopath with no conscience and the maximum sentence is 4 years? We all knew this outcome yet we fought for Michael. All the MJ fans from around the world pleaded for a second degree murder charge to no avail. Those in charge said they didn’t want to risk a higher charge taking a chance that a jury would allow him to walk. In court when the truth was exposed many were appalled asking, “Why wasn’t this charged as second degree murder?” I was told by a well meaning person at work, that I wanted to punch, “The real punishment is that he has lost his medical license.” Really? That for me is little consolation, yet still I muster joy about this too. That is until I learn after a certain amount of time he can gain back his medical license. What? The reality is as of this date only two states have cared enough about the safety of the public to revoke his medical license. He could move to Hawaii and practice there in four years. Wow is that a punishment or a reward for a job well done? This is what we fought for? This is what our hero David Walgren so valiantly fought for? My brain, my heart simply can’t accept this. All who know me know although I revel in the GUILTY verdict, I simply can’t accept this. I stood proudly in front of that court house arm in arm with many of Michael’s Soldiers of LOVE as Michael’s voice, yelling “JUSTICE for Michael Jackson!!!” “Conrad Murderer!!!” I stood at the Michael Jackson Hollywood Star hours on end handing out fliers with many other Soldiers of LOVE in an attempt to teach the public the truth about Michael’s death. I held prayer vigils, started a Michael Prayer Warrior page. I would not stop or be swayed, I had a mission. Yes the mission is accomplished, success has been achieved!  Then why am I feeling so defeated? So empty?

Very Funny but soooo true. This MJ fan says it best:


I am a long time resident of California. I wish I could say I am proud of the justice system in California but I have seen how those in charge work... at the top $teve Cooley and Jerry $ Brown. Truthfully and blatantly there will NEVER be true justice for Michael Jackson. To me its not a coincidence that a new law was put into place by Jerry Brown who has been known to take campaign contributions from the owner of AEG, Philip Anschutz. The timing of this new law regarding incarceration of convicts just as Conrad Murderer approaches the end of his trial for the homicide of Michael Jackson is no coincidence. It is also no coincidence that $teve Cooley the District Attorney of Los Angeles worked with hateful, bigoted Tom Sneddon during his vindictive, racially motived attack of Michael during the trial in 2005 while he wrongly attempted to convict, publicly bullied and humiliated Michael Jackson working as no better than a Klu Klux Klan lynch mob when raiding and vandalizing Michael’s precious home like the Gestapo, and then handcuffing MJ and dragging him off to jail all before the eyes of whole world. The same $teve Cooley who worked with Tom $neddon to persecute Michael Jackson on a world wide basis is the same one who stepped in about two years ago after the coroner’s office declared Michael’s death a homicide and intervened on Murray's behalf just as the L.A.P.D was ready to go arrest him and take him away in hand cuffs. Yes it was $teve Cooley who literally stopped the arrest of Conrad Murderer for killing Michael Jackson. That’s right it was $teve Cooley who said, “No Cuffs” for Conrad Murderer AND “No Arrest” accommodating him instead to take his time and stroll in freely on his own at his leisure. Absolutely no public show of justice for a dead human being let alone the most famous person on the planet. To use Chernoff’s ridiculous closing statement, “If it were anyone else but Michael Jackson...” Conrad Murderer would have been jailed for life long ago. Yes it was $teve Cooley who arranged for Conrad Murderer to walk a free man until 11-7-11 when a jury of everyday citizens finally spoke up for JUSTICE for Michael Jackson. 

There is a scripture in the Bible that speaks of being in the world but not of the world and every time I think of the injustice done to Michael Jackson while he was alive on this earth and now still after his death this verse comes to mind.

John 15:19 “If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.”

Yes there are no coincidences. God is in control. The evil rule this planet and Michael was chosen by God to be an Angel of LOVE in a cruel and evil world. He was too good for this evil world. He with stood so much torment and persecution in his lifetime. It was pointed out recently in a wonderful group I belong to that even the burn on Michael’s head represented the calling that the Lord placed on Michael’s life. A human being chosen for a heavenly calling even as a child and at about the same age as Christ was called into ministry on this earth Michael suffered the horrific burn that changed his life forever. Much like a crown of thorns. He strove to live a good life committed to doing what God would have him do but he was human. Just like all of us he had his frailties, fears and insecurities only for Michael they were played out on global stage. Only Jesus is perfect and that is who he looked to for his inspiration and strength.

Life can be hard. There are lessons. I know the feeling of just not wanting to feel anymore, to just sleep, as I am a recovered alcoholic and drug addict of over 30 years now. I didn't drink just because it was fun and made me feel good, underlying my drinking and drugging was sheer utter PAIN and need to escape the pain. I have walked through many things in life stumbling blindly along, praying for God to help me through, even in sobriety, wondering why I have had to experience certain things in my life. My greatest lesson in life was learning to embrace the pain. Learning I was ‘allowed’ by God to experience some of my most painful moments in life simply because God wanted me to grow and learn certain lessons. Whether it was to learn to be humble, or to share how I overcame the pain and life lessons to help others, to pray more, or just to learn to patiently wait on the Lord and trust. I can’t say I have ever really learned well or mastered any of these things. The last lesson of patiently waiting is definitely not one of my strong suits. I have gotten myself into more jams simply because I leap out before the Lord, opened my big mouth and said something stupid or hurtful or jumped into things before praying for direction. God the loving father that he is always shows up in the 11th hour and saves me from my own stupidity turning the seemingly bad into his perfect will... if I am only willing to surrender. No matter what though there is always a lesson. Michael’s life taught us all by example to reach to God for inspiration in all that we do and to always give God credit for he is our source just as he was Michael’s source and all things flow from our creator. Michael’s flow was just much more massive than the regular person’s.

Michael’s life and death taught me I know nothing. Michael’s life and all that he gave this world and all that was done to him and continues to be done to him just ingrains the lesson for me “Don’t Judge.” You must step back and test the spirits in others. I won’t allow evil to enter and control my life. I won’t allow others to walk all over me. God gave us brains to use and we must be careful who we allow into our lives for God wants us to live in peace, harmony and LOVE free from chaos and strife. I am talking about judging others by the color of their skin, their religious beliefs, how they look or the clothes they wear, their weight, or how they speak, the amount of money in their pocket, who they love, where they live. I continue to learn this lesson over and over and over. I wonder sometime if I will ever learn it properly. I have wondered what is it in humans that doesn’t allow us to see the soul and heart of a person before we draw conclusions about them, or why since we are all made from the dust of the earth and it is dust we shall return to, why humans think one would be superior over the other. Michael Jackson instinctively LOVED, instinctively knew there was no difference and it didn’t matter if you were black or white, adult or child, a security guard or a world class performer. He touched the planet with his unconditional love and taught the world what LOVE was about. It is ALL about LOVE... L.O.V.E.

On verdict day I saw the miracle of LOVE that first brought MJ fans together after his death emerge once again. A huge majority of MJ fans who had fought and battled over the last two years came together in forgiveness and love at the court house on the first day of the trial. This wonderful spirit of unity carried on all throughout the trial. Then on verdict day and afterwards at verdict parties there was once again a giant out pouring of unconditional love, hugs and camaraderie just as there had been when we were all drawn together at Holly Terrace bearing our grief over the death of Michael Jackson.

His LOVE first brought us all together, JUSTICE for MICHAEL sent us spiraling but kept us going and finally JUSTICE served brought us back together again in gratitude, jubilation and VICTORY for Michael. Again God showed himself strong mending hearts for his honor and glory. LOVE prevailed in the MJ fan community, many prayers were answered for unity, peace and love. God restored JUSTICE, LOVE and Victory for Michael Jackson, his family and his fans around the world on 11-7-11.

♥ We LOVE you Michael! ♥ We will be missing you For All Time. ♥ 
 ♥ Thank you for all you gave. ♥ RIP Michael ♥



Michael, When we say we LOVE you it's For All Time. RIP Michael.
Video by Robyn Starkand  ♥

A Place Without No Name

                                                         
I will forever be counting backwards from June 25, 2009. The day the world stopped rotating, when millions of people in every country on this planet stopped in their tracks and just stood still in shock. The day the void was felt around the world as the shining, bright light of Michael Jackson was snuffed out, ripped from this earth, Gone Too Soon.

Soon it will be Feb. 25. Exactly 20 months since Michael Jackson died, the anniversary day when my life changed forever, along with legions of fans around the world who believed their Peter Pan, King of Pop would live forever. I ask God all the time “Am I over Michael’s death? Am I done grieving now, Lord?” My answer comes with tears that flow, but thankfully it has gotten better. I know there are many people who personally knew Michael who grieve deeply still and may not ever be over loosing their dear, beloved friend. I can’t imagine their pain and heartache. I wondered many times why I have felt so deeply the loss of Michael, a man I had never met. Yet I know there are millions of Michael Jackson fans around the world who feel as I do. I talk to them daily on the internet. I am not alone.

There are so many beautiful people I have met since Michael’s death that I would simply not have ever met otherwise… they have greatly enriched my life. Sadly with no ill intent or desire to hurt anyone’s feelings I must say I would give up those friendships in a nano-second to have Michael Jackson back in this world again. The reality most have reluctantly come to is 'acceptance' since June 25th, 2009, acceptance that Michael is gone forever. It has been a process, the whole world grieving together. We still do research via the internet looking for anything new, holding on to anything we can about Michael Jackson, especially meaningful for me are new, true stories or articles and interviews. We are very excited when someone who was blessed to spend close personal time with MJ, like Dave Nordahl or Patrick Treacy, share about their personal accounts of time with Michael. Those stories are particularly precious to me.

Michael’s creative energy and genius will be forever memorialized in videos, books and music. Everywhere are traces of MJ in this world for all time. To those who love him those touches from Michael are unmistakably EVERY WHERE you look and listen. Wonderful reminders of how he has touched, changed, inspired and encouraged people every where. I wish so much that these things would have been more openly shared when he was alive so he could have seen and appreciated how much he was loved and admired while he walked this earth. That being said I believe he is in heaven, looking down, seeing all the LOVE.

Magical things have happened at Forest Lawn, Holly Terrace in the last 20 months. Too many to list them but I will touch here on only a few. One day on a visit to Holly Terrace my friend, Robyn, looked up into the sky to see Michael's toes pose crafted in the clouds at sunset. It was dusk, Michael's favorite time of the day. After a few double takes, the consensus was, quite unmistakably, YES! God had Michael’s famous feet on display directly over Holly Terrace. It is just SO like Michael to continue to entertain his fans in magnificent and imaginative ways.

I visit Forest Lawn’s Holly Terrace on a regular basis. I love to hear the different languages at Holly Terrace from visiting fans from all over the world. Although there have been a few special, quiet, reflective visits; I have rarely ever visited when no one else was present sharing their love for Michael, tears, hugs and heartache. At times the grief is palpable and paradoxically at the same time there is so much LOVE and joy. Michael Jackson went through living hell on this earth but paradoxically he was filled with immense portions of God’s LOVE. I believe it was that grace of God’s love that carried Michael through many hellish attacks. Michael’s good friend Michael Bush, his designer and friend for over 35 years once shared with me as a fan attending the MJ Autry exhibit, "Yes Michael glowed. He glowed. He could light up a room, a stage, an arena. You could be standing in a room alone and with no sound, he would enter and the feeling in the room would change. You could just feel him. You could have your back to him and you knew he was there with no words. He lit up the room." That glow was the LOVE of God in Michael. Every day he read the Bible. Every day he prayed. Michael turned to God as his source and continues to inspire me to do the same.

Today at Holly Terrace you can still feel that LOVE on occasion… the L.O.V.E. MJ talked of, the special love that filled Michael in massive portions and enabled Michael to glow. It is as if the Lord left a bit of Michael’s shining LOVE to fill the area and bless all who visit there, all who have come to honor His chosen one.

I am remembering back to a very special time, a particular day when the MJ fans, about 30 of us at the time, visited Holly Terrace together. That spirit of LOVE that filled MJ came down from heaven so heavily on that special day and very special visit. The breath of LOVE was so thick in the air it felt as though you could cut it with a knife. I felt it meld around me like a warm flowing blanket. Then like a living breathing being it moved and covered those around me. I remember turning to others and asking, “Do you feel that? Do you FEEL the LOVE?” and wondering if they would think I had lost my mind completely. Their faces still shine in my memory smiling back at me, glowing and nodding their heads and saying “Yes, Betty, I feel it too.” We were all glowing that day. I literally reached out into the thickness to grasp at air to try to touch it still saying, “Can you feel that? Can you feel the LOVE?” The spirit of LOVE descended out of heaven and I watched as each person perked up and settled down all at the same time, there was a massive joint effort to console, comfort and reassure others that they were loved and accepted. So many present seemed to be filled with that un-matchless peace that only God’s LOVE can bring. Tears always flow at Holly Terrace but this was a much different day. As it grew dark and we were forced to leave as the park closed, I reluctantly pulled myself away. I was floating on a cloud of MJ LOVE. We all shared meaningful and caring hugs and cried tears of joy that day. We all mourned together but that day the bright light of joy, happiness and LOVE that Michael shared in this dark world touched us all. A very tangible feeling of LOVE which I wore all the way home. The most luxurious, comforting feeling so uplifting and penetrating it lasted for days. That experience is one I will never forget and will treasure forever. I will also hold those who experienced that day with me in my heart For All Time. Some have become so very special to me, and are etched forever in my heart, I love them dearly. Only God could make that day happen. Only God could share such a gift of LOVE that way to confirm to us that Michael Jackson was a chosen child in his kingdom from the beginning of time, that God LOVES the King of Pop, has him close by His side where no one can ever hurt him again. Yet also knows and acknowledges our broken hearts, our need for healing.

Then several months ago at the end of summer, I received a special invitation to go inside Holly Terrace. I was able to walk the halls openly. Visit Michael up close. It is a very beautiful place inside. The “Ascension” windows are gorgeous. There are many sculptures of children through out the halls which I am certain Michael would have loved, but sadly not one of those sculptures is near Michael’s crypt. Although they can be easily purchased and placed anywhere you specify. Not far, only just down the hall from Michael’s beautiful marble crypt at the Ascension windows is a beautiful stained glass “Christmas” window designed for Dr. Eaton, the founder of Forest Lawn, who like MJ also loved children very much. The window depicts children celebrating on Christmas morning and immediately reminded me of Michael and his children and how very much they loved Christmas.


I took my personal moments at the crypt with Michael and paid my respects and said a few words I had wanted to share with Michael for a very long time, while touching the marble Bible that stands open in front of the gates where he lays just under the floor. There are large bronze wall urns on each side of the crypt which were filled with beautiful fresh flowers and many more large and small floral bouquets were placed inside the gated area at the base of the crypt. I was astonished to learn as I drank in the scene, and this was several months ago; there was something very important missing here. There was no identifying plaque or name of any kind on Michael’s crypt. There are name placards everywhere throughout the mausoleum but the most famous man who ever lived on this earth has “No Name” on his crypt. Now here it is 20 months since Michael’s death and still Michael’s crypt has no name.

The fans can peer through the tinted glass in the door, cupping their hands just right when the sun hits the Ascension windows at just the right time of day you can see to the end of the long hall and glimpse where Michael lays. No one is allowed in unless invited and approved by security. I respect that. Forest Lawn and the family have their rules. We still go and pay our respects to Michael from outside, meet one another and share our friendship and LOVE for Michael. We are still blessed on our visits to Holly Terrace but Michael deserves MORE! Why is there no place for fans to honor Michael openly, freely? Why hasn’t Michael at the very least received a plaque with his name?

All this came rushing home for me when my friend sent me a beautiful poem. She was pouring out her heart of feeling like a wandering, lost soul searching for her King, her beloved Michael. I have posted her poem with her permission below at the end of my blog. Please take time to read it. It is lovely.

Also my son’s beautiful girlfriend, Megan, traveled to New York City and shared her pictures with me of John Lennon’s “Imagine” Memorial in Central Park, which even more so planted the feeling that Michael needs MORE! Deserves MORE! The fans cry out for a place where they can go and honor their King publicly.

In New York City‘s Central Park across the street from the Dakota apartment building where John Lennon was assassinated on Dec. 8, 1980 there is a simple, circular, black and white tile, mosaic memorial and at the center the word “Imagine”. One simply can not read that word and not think of John Lennon. Hundreds of fans visit daily from around the world and freely leave flowers or tokens of love and respect for John Lennon.


Then surprisingly in Havana, Cuba, where his music was once banned, John Lennon was celebrated as a hero and immortalized in bronze by Fidel Castro, who in his later years considered Lennon a "fellow dreamer" and personally unveiled the statue in 2000 along with a tribute concert to John Lennon.




Then of course there is Elvis’ Memorial at Graceland which most certainly pays great homage to him. In thinking about Graceland and how beautifully they honor Elvis and allow the fans access to visit and leave flowers and tokens of love for him in beautiful ways that all can openly see, it certainly gave root to the feeling that having Michael back home at Neverland, with it fully restored to the glory days when MJ was happiest there with his children would be a wonderful thing indeed.




Jimmy Hendrix too has a beautiful memorial at Greenwood Memorial Park in
Renton, WA, his home town, which honors his creativity and a heart searching for love. It stands as a wonderful testament to the artistic talent God gave him. His own portrait and signature forever engraved on his tomb.



These wonderful entertainers who died tragic deaths are freely and openly honored. Fans visit and show their love and respect from all over the world. Yet for the most famous, the biggest entertainer in the world, the one who owned “The Catalog”, the one who continues to bring in BILLIONS of dollars for Sony and the Estate there is no fan access to his grave and STILL NO NAME plaque honoring Michael Jackson.


MJ’s unreleased 2009 Song “A Place Without No Name “
To me this double negative actually means ‘Take me to a place WITH a name!’ Could this have been prophetic? When it comes to MJ it is highly possible.


~ LOST Army of LOVE ~

We have no place to say goodbye
We have no place to stand and cry

We try to find a place close to your heart
To try and understand why you had to part

We write notes, burn candles and flowers we bring
We try to stay close to you, as we watch you dance and sing

We have lost a part of us and can’t believe you are not here
For all the photos and memories of you, we still hold dear

It's just so hard we have no place to grieve
But you are everywhere or so we believe

We go to Forest Lawn, Carolwood, Hayvenhurst
and Neverland just so we can see your face
But we are lost and have no tangible place

We are very sad, your Lost Army of L.O.V.E
We still try to find you in the moon and stars above

We listen to the wind, see the flowers and butterflies
And hope your spirit and soul did one night rise

We hope you are at peace and rest in your eternal sleep
Michael you were our gift so in our hearts safe we will always keep...

We have no place to say goodbye
We have no place to stand and cry

© Copyright Robyn Starkand July 9, 2010

** The beautiful picture of MJ silhouette in the Ascension windows is photo shopped by MJ fan Jan Carlson onto a picture she found online. 

UPDATE (Dec. 31, 2013):
Since first writing this story only 20 months since Michael leaving this world... I've made peace with the fact that Michael is laid to rest in the most appropriate place... fit for a King. The subject of the name on his tomb is a private matter for Mrs. Katherine Jackson and the children to deal with. I've no idea their reasoning, whether it is religious or personal but it's not for me to say. One day it is my hope that the fans are able to purchase a marble statue of children playing and place it near Michael's beautiful marble resting place. It would be so appropriate.